My Mental Health Journey, A 2024 Update

Hello all, I thought it was about time I gave you all an update on my journey, just quickly for those of you who don’t know me, I’m Thomas Valentine, a 23 year-old from Falkirk, Scotland. I am a son, grandson, brother and uncle and I have been serving in Scotland’s emergency services for the past 6 years while living with a mental illness, known as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

I think the last update from me was back in 2022, so a long time ago, things have changed a lot in my life since then, mostly for the better (you’ll be glad to hear).

In my last update, I was still learning how to deal with my illness, I was still having quite a lot of bad days, I was still having thoughts of suicide and I remained under the care of the community mental health team. From 2022 till now, I have went on to achieve more things in life, remained involved with my work around suicide prevention and tackling mental health stigma and discrimination, dealt with the loss of a loved one, had a development opportunity within my workplace and I GOT DISCHARGED FROM MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES. I’ll briefly share some of my progress with you in a little more detail.

January 2023 – I decided to start revising for my car theory test, after a couple of weeks revising I made the move and booked the test. I couldn’t have been happier, I passed it first time! This really gave me the confidence to move on and restart my driving lessons.

February 2023 – I passed my training to become a volunteer with a crisis support service Shout 85258 , it is a free, confidential, anonymous text support service for those experiencing a mental health related crisis in the United Kingdom. The role of a crisis volunteer can be somewhat challenging but is equally rewarding. Since starting I have supported in excess of two hundred people, this is something I do in my free time and is a role I intend to continue with, I believe no person should go through a crisis alone, and this is why I will remain committed to this. As well as completing my training to become a Shout volunteer in February, I took another big step and started my driving lessons, the first few filled me with anxiety, but I promised myself I would stick at it.

May 2023 – Back in February I started my driving lessons, fast forward a few months and after a number of lessons both with my instructor and my dad, I PASSED, FIRST TIME!! This was such an exciting time for me, it was the best thing I ever did, it opened up so many opportunities, it meant I didn’t have to rely on others, I could basically do what I wanted and when I wanted, it was great, it really helped improve my mind.

June 2023 – I celebrated my recovery progress, it had been a year since my last admission to hospital following a mental health crisis, I hadn’t taken any substances recreationally or with intent to harm myself and I hadn’t been “off sick” from work in that whole year either. I was so happy with my progress in that time, it wasn’t easy but I tried my best throughout.

September 2023 – Another weight was lifted from my shoulders, I had been under review for sometime due to my absences from work as a result of my illness, as I hadn’t been absent from work for a significant amount of time and it was evident I made all effort to be at work, all formal absence management related processes were concluded.

October 2023 – I “came out” publicly on social media as gay to everyone except my family, they had known for a couple of years but that was it. Until October I hadn’t felt comfortable sharing this with anyone, I kept it hidden, I couldn’t be myself, I would avoid conversations with colleague’s about relationships etc as I couldn’t be honest about them, since I “came out” I’d say my life has changed forever, in a good way though, I feel much more confident in myself, I can talk about my sexuality and relationships without having to hide anything, it’s been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I’m glad I did it! October was an eventful month for sure, I was also successful in securing a secondment opportunity as a call handling supervisor within ambulance control, this meant I would be managing and supporting our call handling teams, I welcomed this opportunity with open arms, it was one where I could support my colleagues, share my knowledge and experience as well as using it as an opportunity for me to learn new things and develop myself as a person.

November 2023 – Great news, I was discharged from all mental health services, this was such an achievement, I was so proud! I had been involved with mental health services for a number of years and had several presentations to emergency and mental health services during this time, being discharged reminded me of how far I’ve came and how well I’ve been coping with my illness.

December 2023 – On 2nd December, I woke to several missed phone calls and messages from family which left me panicked, I had just came off nightshift. I made contact and the news was broke that my beautiful Nana had passed away peacefully at home aged 85. My Nana was my angel, she meant everything to me, so this was such a difficult time, it was heart-breaking. In such a short period of time I was faced with so many emotional moments, I seen her get taken away by the funeral directors the day she died, I seen her lifeless while she lay at home resting prior to her funeral, I took her on her final journey from home to the chapel, I carried her coffin in and out of the funeral service and I lowered her in to the ground all while trying to keep strong and support my family, I ain’t going to lie, I shed lots of tears (even while writing this now). This was a traumatic end to the year for us as a family, grief is such a complex thing, it can hit you in various ways and out of the blue, I’m thankful to have such amazing support from my work family, I really don’t know what I would do without them, they have kept me afloat during such a difficult time.

January 2024 – Just like that! Nana has been gone just over a month now, it’s been a hard few weeks but I’m bloody proud of how I’ve coped, I’ve managed to continue working and grieve, it’s been hard but that’s to be expected isn’t it. I’ve been allowing myself to grieve, I’ve been going to visit Nana at her grave regularly, I spend some time talking to her, I shed tears, and I play a little song before I head off, this is my way of coping for now – Nana Millie, I miss you dearly and love you millions. At the end of the month I go back to my role as an emergency call handler after being on secondment as a call handling supervisor since October 2023, I am thankful for the opportunity I was afforded, thankful also to those who shared their knowledge and supported me throughout, I learned a lot in that time while supporting a great bunch of staff.

So there you have it, an update on my journey living with Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m still living with the illness but I’ve found ways to better manage it, something I wasn’t able to do before, yes of course I still have bad days, but very rarely, I have more good. All those things I mentioned further up have changed me as a person, for the better. I’ll keep fighting, I’m determined to keep doing my Nana proud, she was always rooting for me.

If you did read it all the way to the bottom THANK YOU! I know it was long but I thought it was important I update you all with how I’m getting on, the support I’ve had from people over the years during some of my darkest times whether it be from colleagues, friends or even strangers has been unreal, I truly appreciate it! I look forward to making more progress throughout 2024.

Just before I finish up, I’d like to remind each and every one of you not to give up, that’s my point, it does get better, you are stronger than you think. If you find yourself struggling with your mental wellbeing or you are having thoughts of suicide, then please reach out, there is always someone waiting to listen.

Call NHS on 111, Text “SHOUT to 85258 or Call Samaritans on 116 123.

“We should live life to the fullest, appreciate what we have, love our family and friends and be there to support each other, it’s true, you just don’t know what’s around the corner.” – Thomas Valentine

My Mental Health Journey – From The Start

My name’s Thomas Valentine. I’m a 23 year-old from Falkirk, Scotland. I am a son, grandson, brother and uncle and I have been serving in Scotland’s emergency services for the past 6 years. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and here is my story…

It all started around the age of 18, when I started experiencing anxiety and low mood. Ten days after my 19th birthday I had thoughts of taking my own life, I was under so much stress at the time I felt I couldn’t cope any longer, I left my house in the morning, with a plan to end my life, once I got to where I needed to be, I just broke down, I was scared, it was at this point I contacted the emergency services, the police arrived promptly and they conveyed me to the nearest mental health unit at the local hospital where I was assessed and shortly after deemed fit for discharge, no support in place and was advised to continue liaising with my doctor. 

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of the problems I was experiencing with my mental health, In January 2020 I made another attempt to take my own life, again I was taken to hospital for treatment and to be reviewed by mental health services the following day, upon assessment it was deemed I was fit for discharge but this time, it was arranged for me to be put on the intensive home treatment team caseload, this is a service for outpatients who require intense mental health support but don’t meet the criteria for admission to a mental health unit, I was visited by staff daily for a period of time in my own house to provide support in dealing with my emotions.  

A number of months later and after a number of presentations to mental health services with suicidal ideation I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a disorder of mood and how a person interacts with others. It’s the most commonly recognised Personality Disorder and is one of the most stigmatised and misunderstood mental health conditions. 

In general, someone with a Personality Disorder will differ significantly from an average person in terms of how he or she thinks, perceives, feels or relates to others. The symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder include emotional instability, disturbed patterns of thinking or perception, impulsive behaviour and intense but unstable relationships with others.  

The psychiatrist said the main cause of this is most likely due to the trauma I experienced as a child and other social stressors I have been faced with in my late teens. At the age of 12 I was separated from my parents and placed in foster care along with my younger sister and my brother who was just months old. I remember to this day sitting in a room within the social work office waiting for the social worker to find a family that were willing to take us, I was so upset after having been taken away from my parents but I had to be strong for my younger siblings. It was nearer five o’clock when we were told they had found a family for us and we were all going together, I remember getting in to the car and feeling scared all the way there, we arrived and then it was the long walk to the front door where we were greeted by what was going to be our new family for an unknown period of time. Near enough 4 years later, we were still in foster care, although by this time, I had been moved to other foster families’ various times, been split from my younger sister and brother in the process, been to multiple social work meetings and children’s panels and to end it, we lost our little brother, from what we have been led to believe social services advised us he was adopted at a young age by our original foster family, this was one of the worst things I had ever experienced, although we didn’t live with him for the full 4 years we still had agreed contact at a social work office every week, we went to a visit one day and at the end of the two hours we were told by the social worker that it was the last ever contact we would have with him, he was being put up for adoption and we would not see him again, we were never told this until that day, it was the worst experience ever, our only little brother was taken from us and we had the rest of our lives to live without him, knowing he was still alive but we couldn’t see him, it was horrible.

My life has been a challenge and I have struggled a lot particularly in the past three to four years, I have been at my lowest so many times and I have really struggled to open up about how I have been feeling due to the stigma around mental health, I would bottle it all up then I would just breakdown because I couldn’t deal with it any longer, as of yet I still haven’t learned fully how to cope with Borderline Personality Disorder but I am getting there, although it is going to take a while. I am assigned to a community mental health team who I can seek support from.

I remind myself daily I need to keep fighting and it will get better through time, although it is difficult to think like that when I am at my lowest, I remind myself it does by remembering how far I’ve came so far in life. I was placed in foster care aged 12, I left school at 16 with minimal qualifications, had my first job within ten days of my 16th birthday working full time. Prior to joining the Scottish Ambulance Service where I am currently working as an emergency call handler and previously as a scheduled care coordinator based within our ambulance control centres, I was fortunate enough to have been an assistant manager with the Royal Voluntary Service formerly WRVS. From 2012 to now I’ve had the opportunity to take part in so many things I’ve never done before and I’ve met so many wonderful people, on top of this I was able to secure my own tenancy aged 19.

I believe we need to change the culture around mental health so people feel confident enough to speak about how they are feeling and can ask for help if they need it, without the fear that they will be stigmatised and discriminated against. Borderline Personality Disorder is one of the most stigmatised mental health conditions and I struggled to be open about my diagnosis and didn’t tell anyone or talk about it except with my close family up until March 2021, when I decided to take to social media and explain to everyone about what I’m living with, since then everyone has been so supportive and now, I feel I can be more open about my mental health particularly with my colleagues at work, I have one regret and it’s not reaching out and being more open about it sooner than I did, no one should ever be made to feel ashamed or embarrassed to tell anyone that they experience mental health problems – talking saves lives.

I remain very passionate about mental health and suicide prevention and my key focus continues to be supporting others, In June 2021 I became a ‘Mental Health First Aider’ and ‘Peer Supporter’ and in October 2022 I completed the Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training which was delivered by the Scottish Ambulance Service Mental Health Team, this means I can help support those around me who may be experiencing difficulties with their mental health by listening, assessing, supporting or signposting. You don’t have to be an expert to speak about mental health, just asking someone if they are okay can be a powerful thing. Alongside the training i completed, In December 2021 I started as a volunteer with See Me Scotland – See Me is Scotland’s programme to end mental health stigma and discrimination. In addition to this I was delighted to have been appointed as a member of Scotland’s National Suicide Prevention Leadership Group’s new Youth Advisory Group where I worked alongside other young people and professionals to help shape future mental health and suicide prevention policy using lived experience.

As I said before I am still learning how to live with Borderline Personality Disorder, I still have bad days but I also have good, I still have suicidal ideation, I still have intense feelings, I still have admissions to hospital and it’s something I have to live with but over time I will learn how to cope better with my condition but i’m just not there yet and I’m not afraid to admit that – it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Just before I finish my story, I’d like to remind everyone not to give up, that’s my point, it does get better. It’s important to check up on our peers, make sure they’re coping well and making sure you are too, it is ok not to be ok and just taking that time to have a conversation about how we are feeling can have a massive impact on us, remember mental health will always be part of our lives but it doesn’t define who we are. If we have a bad day, a bad week, a bad month or a bad year, we should look at that as a blip. We will get better again; it’s important though to take the time you need to get yourself better, whether it is time off work, doing some self-care, spending time with family or anything else that you feel helps you. 

Make sure you take time for yourself and give yourself the time to regain control and become the best version of yourself that you can be. 

“We should live life to the fullest, appreciate what we have, love our family and friends and be there to support each other, it’s true, you just don’t know what’s around the corner.” – Thomas Valentine